It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
