Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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