Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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