are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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