I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize