the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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