I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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