everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
