I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
