masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
