You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
