Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
