if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
