He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
