Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
is wine microwaveable?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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