Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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