first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
