please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
