Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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