Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
