i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
