the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
