I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
