It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
