Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
