drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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