he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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