Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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