why didn't you poke me back
just tell him i said nine months
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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