So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
