Fuck appropriateness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
