you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
