apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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