it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
