Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
