Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
