You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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