I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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