I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
