Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
