And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
