oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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