he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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