I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
