tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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