so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
