I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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