I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
