i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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