The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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