remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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