is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
