Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
