Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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