$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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