I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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