Soap is not a condiment
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
