So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
