She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
