How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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