He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
