it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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