You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
