do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
