She's JV to your varsity
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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