You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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