M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
