It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
