My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
