what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
