girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
