I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
