I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
